6. Spa-rkling form.

Hello everyone,

As I’m sure you’re aware, I have had consecutive weeks of stress and confusion since I came out to China- I have been run ragged frankly. I told myself that I perhaps deserved a break from it all- an away day if you like. I floated the idea of a spa day in the office, yet I got as many positive responses as a man would who offers his testicles as ice cubes…

Nevertheless, I had planted a seed and, after a period of deliberation, my colleagues and I decided upon a visit to the ‘nearby’ natural hot springs and spa resort, around an hour outside the city. After hearing about the abundance of hot spring resorts in China, imagine my disappointment to find that this was an artificial one, and that in fact the regions possesses only very few of these such areas. Never mind, I muttered, this was not the day for frustration.


The hotel complex unravelled before us like a beautiful and perhaps even mystical maze of superb natural beauty, some restaurants and farmland, stretching out into the distance, the like of which we regrettably don’t get to experience in the concrete jungle of the city. In the centre was a domed-building: the hot springs themselves. It’s not unfair to say that the resort had somewhat effectively become a spa anyway, so we set about donning the sandy-coloured robes that had been provided for us.

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On entering the main bathhouse, we were greeted with an enchanting aroma of Chinese green tea, the sounds of free flying budgies- and for some reason a 2 foot caged crow- and scenery which wouldn’t look out of place in the tropics. The room was a veritable botanical garden of treasures, where you could pluck bananas from the trees at will; ruling the roost as desired.

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As I presume is commonplace at these places, each person wears a band indicating their number, which tallies up the optional extras for the end. Of course, being China, this wasn’t enough and a signature was also required for each purchase. I admit that I may not have been taking it that seriously, as Micky Mouse got a bottle of water and Donald Duck enjoyed the attention of a lovely foot rub at one point.

The baths for the hot springs themselves were pebble encrusted with temperatures ranging from 15- 44 degrees, but in real terms these were more like ‘a bit nippy for Mr Penguin’ to ‘molten magma’ by way of comparison.


There was also this, the presence of which I’m afraid I can’t fathom:


After a thoroughly relaxing day, some food seemed appropriate. We ate pretty well for not much, and the dishes included:

-Grilled tofu wrapped in spinach

-Duck hearts

Drum roll please….

-Silkworms (They are wrong. Really wrong.)

After this, there was nowhere to go. So, after a thoroughly relaxing and enjoyable day, we disappeared home again.

Of course, there have been some puzzling moments again, as ever…

1) I have been compared to Jenson Button this week

2) I have been compared to Andy Murray this week

3) I think I forgot to mention that the duck’s tongue (from ‘Chopstick Trauma’) was complete with jaw bone….

Have a great week!

Please note: If you have been affected by the revelation about a tomato’s status, the comment’s box will be left open by way of counselling.


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